How are you?

I get that sometimes from family and friends who knows my condition. My reply is always "OK" or "Not too bad". As long as I'm alive, I guess I am! But in actual fact, it's tough! :( Somedays are OK, somedays aren't. The last 7 weeks felt sooooooooo long and mostly depressing. Yep, I'm on my 7th week, the final week of my treatment!

This afternoon is my final Radiotheraphy session, Insyaallah. I completed my Chemotheraphy 2 weeks ago, hubs and I decided to go for it but only for 5 sessions. It has been a very tough journey for me and I believe my family too who watched me deteriorates. 

Last night, for the first time in this 7 weeks, I cried so hard and my husband was with me. The tears just couldn't stop pouring. Throughout the last 7 weeks; I did cry in the shower, during my prayers and sometimes when I'm alone but never like last night. I've been holding it up. Probably because I knew I had to stay strong and positive. I believe, positivity is the foremost medication for cancer patients but it ain't easy to attain. There are days that you are OK and there are days that you are NOT. Who else to pick yourself up but YOURSELF. 

I'm blessed with tremendous support and love from my family and friends. Thank you and I love you all. I learned to let go, reach out, let myself to be helped and cared for. It's actually ok to be weak. I'm also blessed that during this difficult time, Allah brought upon me some clarifications on what really matters. Cliche much? Yep! :) But, Allah is great and He listens, you got to believe that. Believe being the key word. :)

So I'm still alive and hopefully for long, Insyaallah. After today's final treatment, I'll need to recuperate. My sore throat is pretty bad but yet to get infected or mouth ulcers, hopefully never. For the past 2.5 weeks, I've been on a quite limited soft and bland diet so my energy level is pretty low. As of today, I only lost about 5 kilos, back to my ideal weight 55 kg! :p Usually NPC patients lost more than 10% or up to 10 kilos. My skin hasn't burnt too bad, no peeling just yet, hopefully never too. I'm pretty bald at the back, agaks kelakar but cool too. :) I need to get my body back to normal before my PET CT Scan in 12 weeks. Then, we will know if I'm cancer free or not. Appreciate your prayers! :)

Apologies to some family and friends for not informing earlier or personally about my condition. Please understand that I needed time to accept my illness and the changes to my body. The last 7 weeks was tough, but I made it! Alhamdulillah.

My next posts will be on how I went through the 7 weeks treatments and how I managed the side effects including the emotional bit. ;) Hopefully it'll help any NPC patients out there who may be as anxious, scared and at the verge of giving up as I was. As for the rest of you; stay healthy by stop smoking, eat more whole grain, more veggies and fruits, less red meat, don't get stress up and exercise. Do regular health check too. Reminders for me too! :)

Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan!