A year and 4 months later from last post and Almost 2 years since I finished treatment...

Alhamdulillah, I've been good and better. 

"... true I am cancer free but I'm on another journey now. It isn't really a walk in the park for me but it gets better... when I start to acknowledge the cancer-treatment-affected me, physically and mentally. It's like learning new things about myself and accepting them so I can continue to enjoy my life. Generally, CANCER SUCKS! mind my language :P but it is and it also taught me a lot, mainly to be grateful and enjoy the moment, i try ;) "

I recently wrote that to someone who encountered this blog in search for more information about her dad's NPC. I hope he's taking the treatment well and on the road to recovery.

I've also been fortunate to share my experience with a patient whose recent MRI scan confirmed that she's free from active cancer cells. Good for her! Through her, I realised that I hardly think that I had it and how bad it was. But I'm constantly reminded on how it changed me to worse and mostly better. I don't think I'll ever forget and hopefully never cause I like the changed me. But it still sucks and no one should ever go through it. It's really unfair too when a child has to go through it.

Generally, I still live with the after-effects but it gets better and I guess I've gotten used to them too as well as overtime learn to manage it better.

One of my daily ritual is to irrigate my sinus cavity with Flo Sinus Kit. It will flush out those thick and gross build-up mucus due to scar tissues from the RT treatment. My life ain't complete without sticking the bottle up my nose :). 

I sometimes Flo ma nose twice a day, when I have the flu, my nose is blocked and seems heavier than usual. On bad days, I'm forced to breath through my mouth and it isn't good cause it dries up the already dry mouth to crisp! Ok, I may be exaggerating but some nights i wake up realising my mouth is open and pretty tight for me to even close it. So it's good to treat the flu and Omnaris nasal spray works for me. But, it also dries up the nose. So I use it sparingly. It's pretty painful too when the nose is dry cause it cuts easily especially when I irrigate it daily. That rhymes! :) Anyway, Flo Nozoil helps me with that.

Since the excruciating and emotional grommet insertion I had in March last year, the one on the right has dropped twice and so I had it reinserted it for the third time now. Thankfully, the procedures were not painful at all. I believe the doctors are much experience this time around. It isn't really necessary for me to have it but it's much safer for my eardrum especially when I have to go on flight and of course I can hear much better!

I'm more energised than I was last year. Alhamdulillah this Ramadhan, fasting seems easier. But still not quite like it used to be pre-cancer treatment. Yesterday, I was smart to mix cookies for Syawal, and all my energy went into folding the flour into the dough. Afterwards, I just lay down and couldn't wait to break fast. Lesson learnt!

I'm less anxious. But I'm still sensitive to foreign or new pain, tension, marks, sensation, conditions etc. I hardly encounter them but don't think they should be ignored. Good to have them check. I think, I'm getting better at living the moment and don't think too far ahead or what's even in the next second. I used to believe don't expect too much to avoid dissapointment. Actually, don't have any expectations at all, especially for yourself. Life is less stress without expectations. 

I've migrated to Australia and I love it here. I'm not too sure if it has done me good in terms of physical health but I feel it does to my mental health. I miss family and friends but being away has enable me to learn my limits and abilities better. I guess. Embrace the goodness around me and ignore them bad ones. Of course, I still have bad moments, I just got to let it pass and be grateful. I read somewhere that gratitude is the key to happiness, maybe :)

I guess that's all for now. 

Have a good day to y'all and Selamat Hari Raya if you are celebrating it soon!