Yep, it has been too long since I last update. I don't know if anyone follows and look forward to my updates but I believe I must because I sort of made a commitment to myself that I will when I first started this blog.
Coincidently, exactly 7 months ago I found out that I had cancer. And about 2 months ago, Dr Azrif confirmed that my PET CT Scan is clear and I'm cancer free. Alhamdulillah. It was indeed the best birthday gift I could ever wish for. I was never more thankful for another year of life with my loved ones. Just last week, I met Dr Azrif again for a follow-up check-up which I believe to see my progress from two months back.
I gained another 2 kilos! Well that explains why I'm no longer fatigued and I don't get hungry that often anymore. Time to watch my diet, don't think I should gain more.
My mouth is still dry but probably slightly better or I may have gotten used to it. I occasionally choke and cough when I take dry food like toast thus I must have water in standby. Talking a lot also dries up my mouth. Sometimes my jaw gets tight too in between meals or when I haven't talk for a while. Dr Azrif said it'll get better though I don't think it will be 100% like it used to be before the treatment. Taste bud is not quite there but not that bad. I can enjoy my food better but I still don't trust my taste. What is just nice for me may be salty/sweet/sour/tasteless for others. No biggie!
My nerves are still affected. Although my fingers and skin don't get numbed like they used to when it's cold. But it can get a bit tight when I need to turn my head to the left, right, up and down. It also tingles down to my inner thighs when I turned it down. Dr Azrif said it's a normal after effect of RT and should go off in 6 months or so. I have gotten used to it too. To loosen up my neck, I'd turn and push my head (the furthest I can) to the left, right, up and down for about 7 seconds each in 3 rounds.
What bugs me is my hearing! My ears are still blocked even after I did a Bilateral Myringotomy about a month ago. The procedure pokes a micro hole through each eardrum to release the blocked fluid from my middle ears. But my excitement of hearing back the sounds of the rain and the traffic from in front of my home (yep, i miss it) was short lived! In less than a week, the holes closed back naturally and my hearing seems like I'm wearing an ear muff, a very thick one I suppose. My voice sounds inward and loud enough for me but not to them I talk to. But I learned to handle that by speaking louder and clearer. Beside that and the constant ringing in my ears, I can clearly hear my breathing, heartbeat, as well as creaking of my joints and bones - music of my body! :)
But it does get depressing at times when watching shows/movies on tv as I am particular at hearing every word. Since we don't have surrond av system at home, the volume is put up from 65-70 to 85-90 or I'll turn on the subtitle :). It gets more depressing when having conversations. It's not a problem with someone with good voice projection, loud and clear! But it can get a little stressful with a mumbler, a very soft spoken person, people who rush their words and them who gradually get softer/whispery because they're getting lazy or gossipy. Haha yep, i've experienced enough to identify, analyse and categorise!
Some family members and close friends are aware of my hearing limitation. Some adapt and improvise whilst some shout and get all facial expressive which can be awkward for me :P. But thank you for bearing with me :). Mostly, I'll try and manage it myself. I'll position myself where my left ear (it isn't as bad as the right ear) is facing the speaker and I'll watch their mouth. If I still can't grasp what have been said, I'll get them to repeat or I'll just let it go and assume it's nothing that important. When my husband is with me, he'll be my reiterator :).
I don't want to do the Bilateral Myringotomy again because I'll need to be under GA and I prefer not to in a short span of time and too frequently. My ENT specialist said my hearing will get better when the fluid in my ears clear up as the mucus in my nasal area, in another 6 months to 1 year. We'll see when the time comes. Looking forward but not putting my hopes up, I'm open to any possibilities. I pray it'll be easy for everyone who speaks to me, especially them who I need to communicate constantly, hubs and kiddo.
Of late, I easily get anxious on every little changes to my body. Like every new soreness, pain, numbness, sensation, bump, imbalances and what nots you can think of. Even when it happened for a second. Doc said it's normal to feel any numbness, soreness or alike since my body is still recuperating. Any news or stories on cancer can get me unnecessarily anxious too. I'd wonder if I'm doing the right thing in staying healthy to avoid from recurring. Most of the time, I am sure and believe that I'm fine and well (even it's hard for me to hear most times :P). But at times I'd get unsure. I believe it's God's reminder to never neglect what's most important, myself - physically, mentally and spiritually.
I'm fine and doing good, Insyaallah.
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